Gym Psych

by Hugh Roid

So New Year’s is coming up, and with it: resolutions. Your resolution might be to start working out more because you’re fat, you’re unhealthy, or you’re depressed and just got nothing else to do. People tend to stick with the plan for a week or so and then peter out for all variety of reasons.

They can’t make the time. MAKE TIME. What do you value more? Duck Dynasty? Game of Thrones? Or ripped abs and huge pecs? No excuses, no substitutions. Go to the gym, not the couch. You’ll thank yourself later.

The diet is hard. Don’t eat that donut or drink that beer. You’re not a dog, don’t reward yourself with food. Eat cottage cheese and drink skim milk. Eat wholesomely.

Maybe you’re allergic to iron and swell up. Just realize that those weights are a collection of electrons, neutrons, and protons much like yourself. When it gets hard to push that weight, picture yourself as someone bigger and stronger: That is the someone you are becoming.

When the pain starts to set in, think of all the other pains of your life. All the disappointments, all the insults, all the treachery. Just remember that each pump is a “Fuck you” to everyone that ever put you down. The superficial pain will be forgotten.

Be wary of the gym rats, though. They bench cars and their ripped twelve pack abs just make your effort seem futile. Go anyway and ask them how they get so ripped. They’re a lot friendlier than you think. They’ve been where you were and wish that someone would’ve told them how to properly work out (and avoid stretch marks, injury, and the aptly named “suicide grip”).

Take this advice to heart and just go to the gym. Spend each moment of each day climbing towards perfection. Maybe one day, you’ll wonder who that Greek god in the mirror is.


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